Take the Plunge

Let me paint this picture for you: You have set up your towel in the sand and decide to head towards the water. You take that first daring step off your towel not quite sure what to expect. The sand is scorching hot between your toes but it feels nice for a moment and you sink your toes further into it. You close your eyes and angle your face up towards the sun hoping to leave looking beautiful and sun-kissed. You pause for a moment and take it all in. You let out a sigh because the ocean makes you feel both at peace and exhilarated. But before you realize what's happening that same sand that felt like heaven a moment before has now become unbearably HOT like lava beneath your feet. As you make your journey further down the beach, you begin tip toeing, then sprinting like a gazelle, but clumsy and awkward more like a toddler taking his first steps, down the beach towards the beautiful blue water and crashing waves. Then you finally reach that cool, wet sand before the water begins and you feel instant relief, you will not die from hot lava sand this day! Success! You cautiously walk towards the water and gingerly dip in your big toe hoping it's not too cold. But of course it is and you've once again come face to face with a metaphorical death. Once that wave of foamy water washes ashore and hits your legs you instantaneously become an icicle. But the water is beautiful so you grit your teeth and continue to stand where the water is meeting the shore and two worlds are becoming one. You walk a little bit further out and now your calves are slightly wet. You start thinking "I could get use to this, it actually feels kind of nice" then you relax a little bit. Again, you sink your toes into the cool, moist sand and look up to the sky. You begin to take everything in and try to ignore your freezing feet, the world is beautiful! But while you are day dreaming a big wave comes on shore and crashes right into you. You stumble and and lose your balance, again like a clumsy toddler. You're now on the ground, trying to make sure that all of your unmentionables are still in place under your tiny little swimsuit. You wonder why the HELL anyone wears so little to the beach, yourself included. It suddenly all seems like madness. You stumble away from the water with a look of defeat on your face but pause and glance back at it before you make the long trek back through the lava sand to your towel. The water may have conquered you this time, but next time will be a different story. I hope you enjoyed that! I swear there's a point to it.

So it's summer time now and it's hot outside! You know what the heat make me want to do? It makes me want to tan, and go to the beach, and go swimming. I'll take just the tanning and swimming part also. Pools, water holes, lakes, etc will do, I'm not that picky although I'd be a liar if I didn't say that I love the beach! I'm sure a lot of you have had experiences like the one I described above. it happens often. We want something, but never fully commit to it, then the process of attaining it doesn't turn out to be what we expected, and so we give up or we never actually try at all. Or for some people the prospect of the entire process is too much so they just stay on their towel and watch as others do or get that they want for themselves. I have been talking to so many wonderful people recently who tell me that they want to make changes in their life.

I think it is so awesome that so many people in this world want to do better for themselves and it inspires me every day! Maybe you want to lose weight, eat healthier, change careers, clear your skin or whatever it may be that you feel needs some assistance or change in your life today today. And reaching out to someone, vocalizing the desire to change is an awesome first step! But more often than not, recently I feel that so many people are hesitant to actually take the plunge and start changing things for themselves. Now, I'm by no means saying that I expect everyone to change everything about themselves right away, BUT I just think we could all take a second to reevaluate the reasons that we give for WHY you're willing to hold back from achieving what you truly desire. I am here to help, support, and guide people. I have seriously met so many AMAZING people through being a coach and I love every second of it, I really really do. But I also find myself getting frustrated at times because I can't do all the work for you. There comes a time when you have to do your part!

We're all human, myself included and I get that life is scary. I mean hell I have let fear hold me back so many times in the past, and every decision we make defines our life's course. I can clearly see how some fear driven decisions from my younger years shaped things in my present future. I may have had a ballet career earlier if I hadn't been afraid. Now you can also push through fear and make crappy decisions like taking jobs that you end up hating (raises hand) but that's all part of the process. I now know something that I never ever ever want to do ever again in my life. Progress right? You gotta take the positive out of every situation. At least make an effort to learn from it and do differently the next time! I just want to share some quotes with you today that REALLY resonated with me when I heard them, and I hope they can help you to be a little more fearless today and push through whatever it is that you're letting hold you back from your DREAMS! Whatever those dreams may be :)

Then there was this one quote I heard years ago which I can't seem to find online that said something to the effect of: when the prospecting of doing something makes you nervous, use that as a signal that you NEED to do it!

I think that's a great way to push through fear. So if doing something like performing or even just talking to someone I don't know very well or putting myself out there in someway, makes me nervous then I'm like okay. I need to challenge and push myself to do this! I hope some of these will help you to do the same with whatever you're trying to push through today! I fully realize that this post is very random but I just had these thoughts on my mind so I wanted to put them down on virtual paper. Please don't let fear hold you back from living your own life. It is yours and yours only, to do with that you choose. No one else can live your life for you so make sure that you're living it for yourself!

Remember that story from the beginning of this post? Now imagine if our character had instead decided that from the second they stepped off the towel, they were just going to run and jump into the water? I bet you they would've had a much better experience with the whole thing. They would've skipped the whole lava sand process, they would've gotten used to the water after jumping in, and I bet they would've spent time actually playing in and enjoying themselves instead of all the other crap that went along with their hesitation, including the unfulfilling concept of defeat. They would've walked back to their towel soaking wet, with a huge smile on their face feeling entirely content because they not only faced their fear, but they had a blast in the process. My point is that yes caution can be important in certain instances. But sometimes you just need to jump in with both feet! Take a plunge! Enjoy your life! Just freaking DO IT and you will reap the benefits! Waiting, and hemming, and hawing when your gut is telling you to just do it can hold you back and delay your life. You may stumble, you may fail, and you may fall, or in this instance you may get bitten by a shark. But at least you tried. At least you LIVED. Be honest with yourself about what your reason for holding back on WHATEVER is today and make sure it's in alignment with what you TRULY want out of your life. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT? Sit down and start writing. You might be surprised what comes out.

That's all for today folks, enjoy the rest of June as I doubt Ill post again before July rolls around but hey, maybe right!? And as always please email me if you want or need any guidance! thepaleoballerina@gmail.com But also please understand that it may take me a few days to get back to you due to the large volume of emails I get, OR I might get back to you on the same day! It just depends :)

xoxo Harmony

Vegan Orange Chocolate Creamsicle Shakeology

I've been browsing the the internets all day trying to find the tool people use to post recipes in that little box on their blog posts so I don't have to manually type them in here BUT alas I was unsuccessful so I'm just going to post the recipe here! Just a little update: My black swan performance was last weekend (today is Monday) and I'm still recovering from it. Overall it went fairly well I guess. Not perfect by any means, I wish we have more than one performance so I could get a chance to do a better job but it's okay I will survive! I also decided to become a Beachbody Coach which is super exciting. I LOVE helping people and I feel like this is just one more platform for me to do so. I really hope to help A LOT of people transform their lives! I'll give more details on all that later including pictures from the performance but for now let's cut to the chase - the Orange Chocolate Creamsicle! This thing tastes just like those fun little chocolate oranges I used to buy at the store and eat as an unhealthy kid. YUM! Along with signing up as a Beachbody Coach I needed to try the products out myself obviously, Shakeology being a huge one of them. I got the Chocolate Vegan Shakeology and boy let me tell you I'm actually really surprised by what I've experienced while drinking the Shakeology so far. I kind of expected to drink it and break out or gain weight or feel gross or whatever. They also have this amazing 30 day money back guarantee so I figured I'd just return it if I didn't like it anyway. But actually it's been awesome! Now I know this is a real food and paleo blog and Shakeology is not 100% Paleo friendly because the protein sources are Pea Protein, Rice Protein, and Oat Protein. However, besides that small snafu it's actually gluten, soy, and dairy free and otherwise Paleo friendly. Quite frankly at least at this point I feel that the benefits far outweigh the fact that the proteins come from a grain source. At least it's not crappy processed whey or anything like that. The ingredients are things you might even be supplementing with right now!

Okay most of you know that I dance in the evenings from around 6-9 or 10pm. I get home starving and usually end up eating a big meal right before bed. UH can we say weight gain? And here comes Shakeology to the rescue! I've been making sure to eat lunch late at work around 3pm in order to stay full from it for awhile. I now started making my shake before ballet class and bringing it with me. I usually drink it during and after ballet class. It's so filling that I can't drink it all in one sitting, it takes me awhile to finish! So far since I've started drinking the Shakeology these are the changes I've seen:

• These Shakes are FILLING! I don't even need dinner when I drink these in the evening
• My workouts are fueled and I'm not getting as tired during them as I was before
• My skin is staying very clear - this is a huge one for me. If my body doesn't like what I'm consuming I can ALWAYS tell through my skin.
• I've LOST WEIGHT. That's right. Not eating that super late night meal helps of course but I think these have helped me burn fat.
• My cravings for unhealthy food are virtually gone. I really wasn't expecting this one.
• My eliminations have gotten even more regular.
• I've been WAY less bloated in general and my hormones are pretty happy right now. I have ways of knowing this and I won't go into those details.

SO I actually haven't been drinking Shakeology for that long yet and I've already seen a lot of benefits. I'm SUPER curious to see what else changes on this journey!! One thing to keep in mind - I have a really clean diet so I think my body is very receptive to new things. I feel like it doesn't have to try to clear all the crap out of my body before showing the benefits but instead I can see the benefits more quickly. That's not just with this Shakeology but with other supplements and treatments as well. At least that's what I've noticed. I could be totally wrong,

Now for the second component of this recipe.... The Adrenal Cocktail AKA Dreamsicle or Creamsicle By Ginger Newtrition that has been going all around the paleo community. I love this Adrenal Cocktail, you should try it out! Find the recipe and more info on Adrenal Fatigue HERE

NOW FOR THE RECIPE! (I know that was a really long build up) I swear this thing tastes JUST like those chocolate oranges you can buy at the store. SO GOOD!

Orange Chocolate Creamsicle (Gluten, Soy, Dairy, Casein, Nut  FREE using VEGAN chocolate Shakeology)

1 batch of Ginger Newtrition's Adrenal Cocktail (recipe here)

1 batch Vegan Chocolate Shakeology (following package directions except OJ from the Adrenal Cocktail should replace the water)

Put the following items into the blender: 8-12oz of fresh squeezed OJ, 2oz water, Himalayan pink salt(as much as you can tolerate), 1 scoop of Shakeology, 1 scoop of beef collagen, 1/2-1 cup of ice and 2tbs coconut cream. Blend it all together and ENJOY!

I hope you try this recipe and love it! Let me know what you think in the comments sections!

xoxo- Harmony

The Face That Launched a Thousand Ships

Hopefully most of you know where my title line is from but for those of you who don't, it is famous line in Greek Mythology about the Trojan war. The "face" is referring to the ever beautiful Helen of Troy. She left Sparta and it's king for another man in Troy, and by doing so she started a war among love struck men. If you want more info then watch the movie Troy; it's historically inaccurate but it has both Orlando Bloom and Brad Pitt so by watching it you're still winning at life while kind of educating yourself. Or you could google it or read a book, but I still say just watch Troy... Because hotness. Okay now that I have sufficiently "cited my source" I'm going to move on to the actual content of this post and let me just start by saying...Wow.

I mean really wow. I am SO impressed/shocked/elated/surprised/excited by the response I got on Instagram of my acne progress picture. The outpouring of support and kind words has been amazing and I am really truly so grateful for them. I'm going try as much as possible not to get too far off track on this post because I have a purpose. I want to expand what I posted on Instagram and talk about my skin journey in hopes of educating and hopefully helping some people! Hence the name of this blog post. Oh and that picture... They're the "Heroes of Troy" apparently. Imagine them as Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom... Okay sorry, now moving on...

Because trying to get rid of acne is a Battle (like the Trojan War) and my face (not for it's beauty but for it's skin) has "sailed a thousand ships" in that it has hopefully inspired many of you to keep going in your own battles against problematic skin and never give up! You CAN heal your skin naturally! Plus my skin has been waging this war for a very loong time. Without my health and the knowledge I've gathered I would be losing miserably. But instead I am hashtag winning. Yes you read that right, #winning.

Many of you have already asked questions on Instagram and I am hoping that with this post I can answer many of them so I don't have to type the same answer repeatedly on my cellphone where I am prone to many typos and consequently frequently confusing answers. I want to mention that I am not an expert or a professional in this subject. All I know is from hours upon hours of research (don't worry I won't include any of that here) that I have done and my own personal experiences so please do keep that in mind!

PAUSE

Can I be a complete NERD and fan girl for a second!? I am just so excited that freaking Liz Wolfe (realfoodliz.com) author of Eat the Yolks and the Purely Primal Skincare Guide (formerly Skintervention guide - and possibly the best purchase I ever made) reposted my picture and said that I INSPIRED HER! How freaking amazing is that!? I mean to have someone you so genuinely admire and look up to say that you inspire them is just really life affirming and fulfilling. I really am elated and HONORED and HUMBLED by this. I really truly am. Okay fan girling complete.

UNPAUSE

I have had acne for what feels like my entire life. This isn't 100% accurate but I remember getting my first pimples when I was around 11 years old. Ever since then it has been an identity that I have worn and I suspect no matter how clear my skin is I will wear that identity for the rest of my life. Plus I have scars... SO there's that. I was living in Korea at the time and honestly I didn't think too much of it. But when I moved to America at the ripe age of 13 and realized that no one else had the skin problems I did I began to become self conscious about it. So began my attempt to get rid of my acne. I started my first "3 step acne system" I don't even remember the name that consisted of a face wash, toner, and lotion of some sort. That did me no good and did not last long - maybe a couple months at best.

I heard or read somewhere else to just use a specific bar of soap so I did that and it didn't help, shocker I know. Then I moved on to good ol Proactive which helped a bit for a few months (by this time I was around 14-15 and at the peak of feeling like crap about myself) but here's where things really took a turn for the worse... I got contact dermatitis mostly on my forehead and T zone but it was really all over my face. For those of you who don't know what this is, it's like poison ivy but you don't get it from a plant, rather it's from touching your face in any way shape of form. It was itchy, scaly(it looked like snake skin peeling from my face), there was pus and it was a disgusting, and super uncomfortable mess. I went to the doctor and was put on steroids and other medications with antibiotics that made me dizzy and ill throughout the day. Which didn't bode very well for my 12 hour days (as a junior in private ballet school I had school for 5 hours then ballet for 4 hours 5 days a week and 3 hours of ballet on Saturdays... I had Sundays free to catch up on homework). But I got through it and was back to washing my face with a very mild bar of soap.

From there my mom and I decided to attempt the whole "natural" thing. We bought witch hazel as my toner, and I don't even remember what brand the random cleanser we found at the health food store was. When that didn't work we went to a dermatologist who prescribed me tetracycline (another antibiotic) for my skin plus Tazorac to put on topically. We called her within a few weeks to say it was all making my skin worse and I wasn't feeling well and she said I just needed to continue with it and give it time. Yeah okay I had a bad feeling about it so we stopped it right after that and never went back to her. From there over the next years I proceeded to try at least 7 more (that I can remember) different acne treatment "kits" or "complete systems" including some "natural" options. Oh and a round of 10 microdermabrasion sessions. None. Of. Them. Worked. I read a book on acne that told me my diet had nothing to do with it that it was purely my sebaceous glands clogging and there was no particular reason for it beyond being UNLUCKY.

I have asked myself countless times throughout this life: WHY do I have acne? Why am I a person who has to struggle with this when for so many people it's a thought that never even crosses their mind? Most people get a singular pimple and complain about being "broken out". Not even.

Anyway, after high school I went to a new dermatologist and was put on the pill. Yippie!! I was so excited because I had heard that it clears up your skin! And along with being on the pill I was given Duac and again the Tazorac plus a few other topical treatments. For the first time possibly since I was 11 years old I had clear skin. It felt like a miracle. I could go outside without makeup on and not die of sheer and utter shame. I finally felt like I was like everyone else. Ya for conforming to "normalcy". Granted my face hurt and peeled 24/7 because it was so dried out and I inexplicably lost a bunch of weight but still I was happy, I thought it was over. I thought I had won the acne battle. "Silly girl trix are for kids!"

Then I lost my health insurance coverage because my new job didn't offer benefits. This meant bye bye BCP and Duac. I was off the pill for about a year and during that time I started putting on weight (over 10 lbs) and got my beautiful full fledged acne back (this includes acne on my chest, back and arms btw). I got back on the pill in 2011 after being off for about one year, but didn't experience the same magical effect as last time. Instead I kept gaining weight (another 10 pounds to equal a total of 20-25lbs weight gain total) and my acne wasn't going away but I was "okay" with it. I told myself: This is just my life. I have acne and that's it. I'm the size of a "normal" person now, I'm just not ballet thin anymore. I'm doing fine.

But I ate and felt terrible all the time. I was genuinely eating mutiple full sized candy bars every day, all sorts of fast food, fried food, really anything and everything. I've always been a thin person so I never worried much about that. But in January 2013 I was sick of feeling and getting sick. I felt disgusting and despite not actually being very large in size, I felt huge for my frame. I did the master cleanse and dropped a good 13 lbs and kept it off. I felt amazing. AND the entire time on the cleanse I did not break out once. True story. When I started reintroducing foods I decided to leave dairy as a food group out all together. I started eating what I thought was "healthy" as in whole grains, gluten free, brown rice, meats and veggies (I've always loved meat) and no dairy what so ever. I also got laser treatment for my acne with chemical peels every 2 weeks and was using Obagi skincare. My skin was looking pretty good for a little while there but I was never breakout free. In order to do more detoxing (and wanting my skin to be a little better) I did the master cleanse again in July 2013. I broke out the entire time I was cleansing, and I lost more weight than I wanted to - I was not happy. My sister in law had told me about this paleo thing and I researched it while cleansing. I discovered Elana's Pantry and realized that I could eat bread made with almond flour while doing paleo. UHM OKAY SIGN ME UP! I've been Paleo ever since  - August 2013. My skin wasn't terrible at this point but it wasn't good either.

I wanted to get even healthier - plus I wanted to be fertile for the sake of being able to have children when I wanted to - so I got off the pill in November 2013 (the same year) which is when everything changed. I started really having acne again. I closed out 2013 with my first round of all paleo holidays and started 2014 with a face and body full of acne. I also purchased a yearly unlimited bikram yoga package and I was still using the Obagi at this point because I felt it had worked in the past. But really I didn't understand why I was breaking out again when I was eating so well and doing bikram more often than ever. I was working 2 jobs, teaching ballet in the evenings and working a desk job during the day. I started in a new job in April of 2014 and revved up my yoga. My skin was getting worse and worse. I bought the Purely Primal Skincare Guide (formerly Skintervention guide) and began to read my tail off. I also started listening to the Balanced Bites Podcast and getting myself further and further immersed in the world that is the paleo community. There is just so much to learn and know! Anyway, I did a 30 day bikram challenge around May/June (the 12th picture below) which is when my skin was at it's WORST EVER. Like in my entire life, my skin has never been this bad. Okay the contact dermatitis may have been worse but that was different... Here's what I was doing at this time:

1. Oil Cleansing (OCM) with coconut oil, using ACV/water as a toner, using baking soda/water paste on occasion to exfoliate, Beauty Balm from Green Pastures to moisturize, and occasional Aztec clay mask.

2. 'No poo'ing on my hair

3. Bikram at least 3-5 times a week including some advanced classes.

4. Supplementing on and off with Vitex, Maca, Fermented Cod Liver Oil/Butter Oil Blend( FCLO/BO), Milk Thistle, and l-glutamine.

5. Eating pretty standard paleo without specific modifications.

Okay so that all sounds pretty good right? SO what freaking gives!? This went on and was a process for months mind you. While I thought that I was doing pretty great for myself I also found out that my acne is strongly driven by hormones, specifically testosterone. For a female I have some crazy high testosterone levels (tested by my OB/GYN and confirmed again this year with the Naturopath). There is a lot more to that whole situation but I'm not going to go into that here. SO what did I change to start seeing results despite being crazy discouraged? Well here are just a few things that I believe contributed to my overall success:

1. I switched to doing the OCM with Grapeseed Oil. Such a simple change but made a huge difference for me!

2. I stopped 'no poo'ing. It was stressing me out that my hair looked like crap 24/7. I tried to make it work for months but it just wasn't for me. Instead I use JustNaturals Shampoo.

3. I stopped working my second job, started dancing again and almost entirely stopped going to bikram. I think this is a huge one. I was pushing myself so hard in class and it was not good for me. I still love bikram yoga, don't get me wrong but I had to take a step back for my health.

4. I started consistently taking a double dose of FCLO/BO (2tsp instead of 1tsp) ironically because I felt like I was getting sick and read to take a double dose for that but saw improvement in my skin! I reduced my l-glutamine to 1/2tsp of powder in water daily and decided to scrap everything else.

5. I did multiple 21dsd's which helped my sugar (helping regulate insulin) addiction and began trying to get nutrients as much as possible. Sardines, gelatin, offal, fermented foods, and the list goes on. Most recently I did AIP in January and saw my Naturopath who gave me great insight into what was going on with my body.

6. TIME. I swear this seems all tied up into a pretty little bow by this post but man has it been a PROCESS! The body takes time to heal. I'm still working to heal my body. Everything takes time and patience and forgiving, and understanding, and persistence and determination. Repeat after me: "I know I am doing my very best and my very best is good enough."

By the time I went to the Naturopath (or Functional Medicine Doctor) in January 2015 my skin was already really doing well but I still knew that my hormones were out of whack. We did both blood and genetic testing that gave me a wealth of information about ME in early February. The genetic testing specifically was super informative as it showed what medications and supplements I do well with based on my genes. For instance I found out that my body functions optimally with high amounts of Omega 3's. I've been eating a can of sardines a day minimum pretty much since then. I learned a lot of other things too and I am taking a bunch of supplements with his guidance for the next few months to try and fix my hormonal imbalances. Then I'll have my blood drawn again and we will reevaluate. It's still a process but I have been genuinely amazed with the fast results. Knowing what your gene's respond to took so much of the guess work out of what to try.

ANYWAY, this post is way too long and I just want to reiterate that you need to look at every freaking aspect of your life when you're looking at something as complex as a skin issue. And please research and educate yourself as much as possible! Very rarely is there a quick, simple, or easy fix to these problems but the answer is there - you just have to find it! Once you get yourself balanced you have to do your damn best to maintain it and continue to make changes as your body's needs change. Keep that in mind. Your body today is not the same as it was yesterday and it's not the same as it will be tomorrow. We are constantly changing for better or for worse. If you're going through a struggle, please don't be discouraged, and feel free to ask me any questions you have! And just please believe that YOU CAN HEAL YOURSELF NATURALLY! Be patient with yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And above all else, LOVE yourself. You can do this with perseverance and persistence. Now time for pictures...

The pictures below are all of the same side of my face (obviously) over the course of multiple months starting probably in March or April of 2014 until February 2015. They are unattractive and unflattering. But I hope they give you a visual and I hope they give you hope. None of them are retouched or edited in any way. I'm not wearing any makeup in any of them either as I'm sure you can tell. Now truth time - I totally started slacking with the progress pics as my face started improving... It jumps from: you can tell it's getting better to now in February when it's looking great (I had just woken up in the picture so just pay attention to my skin please haha). I also took a lot of progress pics WITH makeup on but that's not a fair comparison next to these pictures. I apologize for that but regardless here we are! Oh and that last picture is from January BEFORE I saw the Naturopath to show you that I achieved this on my own prior to his help and intervention. I originally took the picture to show my puppy sleeping on my butt again but hopefully you get the idea!

Phone Pics 082

Phone Pics 260

Phone Pics 295

Phone Pics 317

Phone Pics 321

Phone Pics 366

Phone Pics 379

Phone Pics 390

Phone Pics 412

Phone Pics 419

Phone Pics 422

Phone Pics 477

Phone Pics 512

Phone Pics 301

Phone Pics 569

Phone Pics 754

And now.....

IMG_20150211_071050743

IMG_20150225_064900715

IMG_20150110_143841033_HDR

xoxo - Harmony

The Opposite of a Blank Space

This may be the first time that I've come to this blog without anything specific to say. It's in times like these that I am reminded of those awkward social situations where you're forced to make small talk with people that, well let's be honest here, you'd rather not talk to. You want to be friendly, and people can be great but this whole process just makes you uncomfortable as hell. For me personally, once I'm comfortable with someone I can be very talkative and I have a lot to say. But I swear it can take me forever to get to that point with people. At one time in my life when I was a youth leader I had sort of "trained" myself to be more outgoing and make better small talk. In a setting like that there's no room to worry about what people think of you and worry about how uncomfortable or awkward you feel because you're instead in a position to SERVE others and therefore your main concern becomes them. You find yourself wondering: Are these kids comfortable and having a good time? I hope I'm helping them feel included and not awkward and uncomfortable". It's too bad though that in this life unused skills tend to dwindle or disappear. Like that saying about dull knives needing to be sharpened regularly in order to be useful or something. I know I butchered that saying but I think you get the idea. Well now I seem to have lost the "small talk" skill. I'm no longer a youth leader, I don't do customer service anymore, and I no longer work in a setting that I have to talk to anyone at all really. All of these facts together make for my dull butter knife social skills. Maybe I'll get them back one day but I'd rather keep my mouth shut and express myself with dance anyway... Okay that was a big ol paragraph about well... Nothing really.

Let's start over... I still have 3 different posts that I've "promised" to you, my imaginary readers. At least as far as I can tally it's 1. The year 2014 in review. 2. Different supplements I take and why. 3. Recipes. Now really I'd like to hear from you on which one you're most interested in but I'm trying to be realistic here, I know I don't really have that kind of following. On another note the thought of typing up recipes doesn't sound very fun to me. I'm the type of cook that either strictly follow a recipe, or I wing it in the kitchen and more often than not things turn out delicious. If you follow my Instagram (which you should @thepaleoballerina) I try to post a lot of my meals there. Again, not recipes but it can give you an idea of how I eat and maybe inspire you to eat healthier (if you don't already, or if the idea seems impossible or daunting). Switching gears again (I swear this is how thoughts flow in my brain... Seemingly random but totally connected in my mind)... I'm anxiously awaiting my follow up appointment with the functional medicine doctor in February to have the results of those blood tests that made me so sick. I'm beyond ready to figure some stuff out and start down a new path of healing.

I was just thinking this morning about FODMAPS. Accoding to Google FODMAPS are: "Fermentable, Oligo-, Di-, Mono-saccharides and PolyolS. They comprise fructose, lactose, fructo- and galacto-oligosaccharides (fructans and galactans), and polyols (such as sorbitol, mannitol, xylitol and maltitol) that are poorly absorbed in the small intestine." Essentially FODMAP intolerance means that your body is incapable of digesting or absorbing certain fructose that is present in many fruits and veggies including but not limited to: avocado, cabbage, garlic, onions- and the list goes on and on. Anyway the reason I bring this up is because I was saying to myself while driving to work "Self, you could not handle giving up garlic-which is probably my favorite seasoning ever- or most FODMAPS. You already have a super restricted diet and most of the FODMAP items are foods you eat all the time. You're not even using black pepper right now... You love black pepper!". Then I realized that I also at one point in time thought that I could "never give up sugar" or "never go paleo" or "never do AIP" or never not eat pasta or cheese or BREAD again. But I did it. And I continue to do so every damn day. I have accomplished all of these tasks DESPITE my negative self talk at one point in time saying that I couldn't.

Then it hit me: I can do and survive anything. Now I don't mean that in a crazy I could jump off a bridge and be just fine kind of way but I mean that any obstacle I come across I sure as hell am always going to do my best to fight and over come it. Does that mean that this road to health and recovery has been easy? HELL NO. Does it mean that I haven't strayed from my healthy ways here and there? HELL NO. Does the fact that I'm not perfect and this shit is really hard and frustrating SOMETIMES mean that I'm going to give up? NEVER. Honestly this lifestyle IS sustainable. It takes time to get used to and it's an investment in yourself but once you're on the straight and narrow for awhile, the thought of tarnishing all your hard work just isn't that appealing. Yes my health isn't perfect and I'm working hard to fix my crazy endocrine (hormonal) system I still see the results. One day when I gather the courage I'll do a post about my skin and how I've worked through all of the trouble and torment it's caused me... It's tough for me to show some of the pictures and make myself so vulnerable but if it will help someone then I'm willing to do it. (Lookie here I'm promising another future post... I'll get to em eventually). No matter how clear my skin is I don't think I'll ever consider myself as someone without acne. More like I'm someone who's skin is under control at the moment. And I'm not going to lie, right now I'm in a pretty good place with my skin but it is SUCH a delicate balance and I have by no means mastered it yet because it's a never ending process! Just like the road to health. It's not a destination but rather a journey and a process to stay in balance.

Back to where I was originally going with the whole functional medicine doctor thing... Depending on what my blood tests say -even if the news is the opposite of what I want to hear- it'll be okay. I'LL BE OKAY. So believe me when I say that we are all so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and if you want to achieve something then by all means try your best to make it happen, I know that I'll continue to do so. And who knows you just might succeed, so don't give up!

One final thought to leave you with... I've been dreaming a lot more recently. Maybe it's part of this AIP Whole 30 thing (today is day 18 btw *happy dance*) but I had a dream last night that I ate a Big Mac. Let me take a second to mention that in my former unhealthy life I never really liked Big Macs. I was always more of a dollar menu girl, or better yet a Burger King Whopper kinda girl. Also yesterday while scrolling someone's "paleo" Instagram I saw a picture of a McDonald's breakfast sandwich that someone ate (YUCK). I don't know if any of that is relevant to this dream but I thought you should be fully informed. Okay back to the dream. After eating a few bites of the Big Mac I then proceeded to FREAK OUT because I had eaten gluten. Like I went into straight panic mode as if I was going to die or something. That was the rest of the dream. Me freaking out from gluten exposure and being in disbelief that I had eaten something so evil as a Big Mac. HAHAHA even thinking about it now makes me legit smile, my brain is so silly sometimes. I have no clue what it meant or if it had any meaning at all but dreams fascinate me in more ways than one. In my conscious dreams I  dream of one day not working a desk job and being able to follow my passion full time. OH and more tangibly I dream of gaining the courage to do some ballet auditions. Makes me super nervous just thinking about it but I know I have to overcome that if I want my dreams to become a reality. So please keep dreaming my friends and never stop.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.... Man I wish it was Friday instead of Thursday and I wasn't sitting here at work... Shhh I didn't say that... Yay Thursday!

xoxo - Harmony